family

Treading Land, Water, Sky, Life, Loss

Like the amphibian Too much time on land fatigues me Depletes me of life-sustaining nutrients Sucks me dry And sends me on a desperate retreat Back to the waters Where I can submerge myself In what is familiar Fluid, quiet, safe. I can somnambulate beneath the surface Removed from land’s sounds, sights, smells I can …

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A birth day; a death day. D@mn, my life sucks.

Today is the day my oldest son (AKA my Liberian prince AKA my little man AKA Human GPS) turns sixteen years old. Sixteen years old. The shy, chubby faced little boy who entered our family several years ago has blossomed into a young man. He’s taller than me. His voice has changed into a deep …

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Don’t Be Like Me: A Letter to My Daughters

The best piece of advice I have for my daughters? Don’t be like me. Many people look up to their parents; even want to be like them. I’m your mother. I know you love me. You admire me. In some ways you are already somewhat like me. I know you aren’t going to understand me. …

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earth desert dry hot

When the words dry up

I can speak. Loudly. Boldly. Even eloquently. Always quickly. Often peppered with examples or stories Or with seemingly endless questions. Words can flow out of my mouth with relative ease It seems. That’s what they all think. That’s what they all say. That’s what they all believe. I know better, though. It’s an illusion. Because …

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mystical, austria, landscapes

Tomorrow draws near

Please God, keep my babies with me. Please God, keep my babies with me. Please God, don’t let them take my kids. I’ll do anything, anything. Just let me keep my kids. My kids. My kids. Please God. Don’t let them. Please don’t let them take my kids. Please. Please. Please don’t let them take …

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To my sons

To my sons My beloved sons Your smiles are etched into my mind, my soul, my heart. Your laughter is my favorite song. Fierce, feral, deep love for you courses through my veins Beats in my chest Fills my lungs. My precious sons If only you could know how much you are loved How much …

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Speaking Truth to Power: Autistics Speaking Day!

(To learn about what “Autistics Speaking Day” is, click here.) This is my very first Autistic Speaking Day! And true to form, I’m writing this in the evening, the day of (it’s all about that time agnosia).  I have no idea if it will be able to be included, but I’ll try anyway.) 😉 Several months …

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So…that sucked.

Hi everyone. It happened. It was horrible. And it’s going to happen again, soon (date not yet confirmed).  It was NOT what I expected; it was WORSE.  I have a headache from endless crying, but I think I needed to get it out. I was sad. Now I’m mad. I’m mad because the truth is …

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left human hand photo

The day before the big day…

(A similar version of the latter part of this blog post also appears on my advocacy blog here.) So… Tomorrow is The Day.  In the afternoon. I am PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING up a storm. Praying. Reading the Word. Crying (only once today though!). And praying some more. I am determined to fight, determined to reach …

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thank you heart text

Heartfelt thanks & slight update

Dearest friends, (I hope you all don’t mind a blog post as an update.  I know it’s not the same as responding to people individually, but it’s all I am able to manage right now. I hope you can all “feel” my heart through my words.) When I tentatively rejoined/reconnected with the “real world” today …

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