pain

Shattered beyond repair

I’m tired.  So tired. So, so very tired. I pray that I will have the “wherewith-all” (that is SUCH a strange word) to clearly convey the subterraneous depths of despair that I am currently and for some time been dwelling in. Right now I don’t think that I do. This probably isn’t “professional.” It’s probably …

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Matrix corridor scene (three figures standing at the end of a long hallway; everything in sight is black with green binary code like the "view" of a computer)

Leaving the Matrix

I was recently part of a coalition that issued an Open Letter (penned by Cal Montgomery and I) and a follow up Memo (which had several co-authors, including many who opted to remain anonymous). The purpose of the Open Letter and the Memo was to make positive changes within the autistic community (and in this …

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Submerged in quicksand (depression)

When I was a little kid my brothers and I were really fascinated by science. We devoured old copies of National Geographic magazine and various documentaries on the Discovery Channel. We pestered our mother to identify the organs and bones that were visible in the food (i.e. chicken, beef, fish) she was preparing. We examined …

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Love is NOT enough: choose you

I used to have a pair of earrings that I absolutely loved. These earrings were perfect. They were casual enough for everyday wear yet elegant enough for special occasions. They were long enough for me to be able to feel their “swish, swish” sound when I moved my head, but not too long. They were …

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Treading Land, Water, Sky, Life, Loss

Like the amphibian Too much time on land fatigues me Depletes me of life-sustaining nutrients Sucks me dry And sends me on a desperate retreat Back to the waters Where I can submerge myself In what is familiar Fluid, quiet, safe. I can somnambulate beneath the surface Removed from land’s sounds, sights, smells I can …

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What NOT To Say To Someone Who Has Experienced A Miscarriage

What NOT To Say To Someone Who Has Experienced A Miscarriage “It wasn’t meant to be.” “Well, at least they weren’t even BORN yet, so you didn’t really know them.” “That’s why a lot of people wait until the first trimester is past to announce a pregnancy.” “God knows what He’s doing.” “At least you …

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A birth day; a death day. D@mn, my life sucks.

Today is the day my oldest son (AKA my Liberian prince AKA my little man AKA Human GPS) turns sixteen years old. Sixteen years old. The shy, chubby faced little boy who entered our family several years ago has blossomed into a young man. He’s taller than me. His voice has changed into a deep …

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earth desert dry hot

When the words dry up

I can speak. Loudly. Boldly. Even eloquently. Always quickly. Often peppered with examples or stories Or with seemingly endless questions. Words can flow out of my mouth with relative ease It seems. That’s what they all think. That’s what they all say. That’s what they all believe. I know better, though. It’s an illusion. Because …

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modern art

Art imitates life or life imitates art?

A werewolf. A vampire. A ghost.  A witch. A zombie. All mythical beings frequently found in literature and cinema, Inducing fear and/or awe for centuries. Not human, but existing both in and parallel to the human world. Not human, but intertwined with the human world. Not human, but who truly is? Do humans not embody …

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Gratitude/Update (#NoGroupHome)

Not too long ago, I sent out a desperate plea for help. My family was (is) faced with one of the most difficult situations we’d ever encountered, and we did not have the means to handle it alone. (Many of you might be familiar with the situation; but for those who are not, this link will …

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