scars from the past

Shattered beyond repair

I’m tired.  So tired. So, so very tired. I pray that I will have the “wherewith-all” (that is SUCH a strange word) to clearly convey the subterraneous depths of despair that I am currently and for some time been dwelling in. Right now I don’t think that I do. This probably isn’t “professional.” It’s probably …

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Matrix corridor scene (three figures standing at the end of a long hallway; everything in sight is black with green binary code like the "view" of a computer)

Leaving the Matrix

I was recently part of a coalition that issued an Open Letter (penned by Cal Montgomery and I) and a follow up Memo (which had several co-authors, including many who opted to remain anonymous). The purpose of the Open Letter and the Memo was to make positive changes within the autistic community (and in this …

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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -MLK

The “silence of our ‘friends’” hurts my ears

What did MLK say exactly? Something like, “…in the end, what hurts the most is not the harmful words spoken by our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” I’m sure I completely botched the quote and truthfully right now Idgaf; this isn’t speech and rhetoric class. This is “real” “life” in 2020 America for …

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Don’t even know what to title this

I don’t know what I’m going to write right now; it’s all jumbled up in my head. But I just know I need to write. I haven’t written for what feels like eons…I need to write. Forgive me if this ends up being an incoherent rambling mess. It probably will be. But maybe that’s okay, …

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Submerged in quicksand (depression)

When I was a little kid my brothers and I were really fascinated by science. We devoured old copies of National Geographic magazine and various documentaries on the Discovery Channel. We pestered our mother to identify the organs and bones that were visible in the food (i.e. chicken, beef, fish) she was preparing. We examined …

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No fate but that we make…questions about the way forward

(Note: although I “published” this post on my blog in September 2017, I actually began drafting the first part of it a few months ago…sharing that detail in case any parts of the post seem “dated.”) When I was a little girl I liked the “Terminator” movies. (And I liked the Rocky movies, and I …

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Second chances? Hell to the naw!

I’m one of those people who fail to respect their own boundaries. The type that falls prey to wishful thinking, to hopefulness, to forgiving too easily. I advise others not to do this, but I struggle to internalize this concept in my own life. So while I am not a big fan of “Do as …

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Love is NOT enough: choose you

I used to have a pair of earrings that I absolutely loved. These earrings were perfect. They were casual enough for everyday wear yet elegant enough for special occasions. They were long enough for me to be able to feel their “swish, swish” sound when I moved my head, but not too long. They were …

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When Love Hurts: A Story of Surviving Abuse

Content warning: post mentions physical abuse, emotional abuse, infidelity, emotional anguish, dysfunctional marriage, miscarriage, substance use, mention of suicidal ideation, divorce, faith Once upon a time there was a 14 year old girl. She met a boy her age, and they connected. And on and off for the next 13 years, more on than off, …

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Black text on white background that states: "I just need a break from life." Source unknown.

Maybe a break? Maybe not?

Weird title, I know… So if you’ve followed my blog for a while you probably know that writing is my therapy. I write when I’m happy. I write when I’m upset. I write to make sense of things. I write even when things don’t make sense… Right now, a lot of things in my life, and about …

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