scars from the past

All I Have, All I Am

“Don’t tell me that this isn’t real. Don’t tell me this ain’t how I feel. This is all I have. All I have…” –NF “All I Have”(video) This is my first blog post of 2017. And I’m writing it out of…I’m not sure which emotion, truthfully. I guess a mix of them. Frustration. Sadness. Anger. …

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girl, memory, sad

The treacherous journey from foster to future

The real “f” word is not the four letter one.  It is a word that appears benign But in actuality is far more profane than the other. It’s a six letter “f” word. You probably know it… “Foster.” As in “foster” child. Image is a graphic that describes many troubling statistics of children in US …

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earth desert dry hot

When the words dry up

I can speak. Loudly. Boldly. Even eloquently. Always quickly. Often peppered with examples or stories Or with seemingly endless questions. Words can flow out of my mouth with relative ease It seems. That’s what they all think. That’s what they all say. That’s what they all believe. I know better, though. It’s an illusion. Because …

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modern art

Art imitates life or life imitates art?

A werewolf. A vampire. A ghost.  A witch. A zombie. All mythical beings frequently found in literature and cinema, Inducing fear and/or awe for centuries. Not human, but existing both in and parallel to the human world. Not human, but intertwined with the human world. Not human, but who truly is? Do humans not embody …

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Ode to Foster Care

(There are many loving, giving foster parents and some decent programs out there too. This poem is not about you; it’s about everyone/everything else.) They call it foster “care.” But nothing about it is “caring.” And the only thing that it fosters Is a sense of despair Worthlessness Fear  Hopelessness Mistrust And eventually, apathy. The …

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To my sons

To my sons My beloved sons Your smiles are etched into my mind, my soul, my heart. Your laughter is my favorite song. Fierce, feral, deep love for you courses through my veins Beats in my chest Fills my lungs. My precious sons If only you could know how much you are loved How much …

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I Lied to Them

I lied to them. Over two years ago when we finally brought them home, after all those years of bureaucracy and fighting to make it happen. They were finally home. Home. I wrapped my arms around them and told them this was their home. Their mom. Their dad. Their siblings. They’d never have to leave; …

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